Surprise Breech

Second breech I took part in unfolded just like this.

Surprise Breech

We put her in a room

While patiently waiting

It wasn’t long

she began dilating

We refused to do exams

For fear of intruding

A mere four hours later

she began to start pushing

The midwife checked the cervix

Proclaimed there was none

But to her surprise

found labia and bun

Call the other midwife in

She said with a shout!

Forget EMS

This baby wants out!

Across town and taking a break

The telephone rings

What’s this about?

A breech on the way?

You dare say!

She Jumps in her car

her heart is a racing

She speeds across town

Her hands are a shaking

The midwife arrives breaking

OSHA rules

With her feet well exposed

blood, poop, germs and all.

and possibly

one hell of a fall

She gives one good check

And finds only bum

Pick up the phone

and call a code one!

Up in the clown room

A vag to begin

When the intern hears

“birth in the bear room”

it comes to an end

She tosses her gloves

in the trash

In all the excitement

she makes a great dash

One midwife is calling

the head of the clan

But the number escapes her

With the phone in her hand

The butts almost out

Fetal heart tones are good

The perineum is stretching

just as it should.

The baby moves backward

The feet hit the bed

Bruising is minimal

As we wait for the head

One intern is sleeping

She missed the birth

No rest for the intern

Is what it was worth

The baby is laid gently upon mom,A little bit blue

One minute goes by, not a moment to late

The midwife turns and says give her an eight

We examen her bottom

and find not a scratch

The breech made it through

Perineum intact

Then birth the placenta

what a photo op

As there are arteries and veins

that run straight to the top

They’re big, they’re gnarly

Velamentous indeed

A major danger to baby

So says the OBs

So remember my midwife friend

When your sure your moms complete

Make her pant through ten

Just before she pushes, check her again

Don’t forget to breath

As you are worthless too

Should you hold your breath,

pass out or turn blue

Keep your hands off the breech

They will make there way through

Be a good patient midwife

So the head will fit too!

nadahfmidwife